I haven't written in a while. A lot has been going on. I've been busy at work and at school. My job is expanding and I'm working on my MBA. Both are going well. I had just settled into my career and getting quite ambitious, when, TA-DAH, I'm pregnant! It shouldn't have come as a shock because we had been trying for almost 2 years, but I think mentally I had given up and had settled into the idea that we were a career-oriented couple.
Needless to say, I'm thrilled. But a bit scared at the same time. I'm going to be a mother. I can't get it to sink in yet. Even after seeing the tiny fuzz-like spec on the ultra-sound. Granted I am only 8 weeks along as I write this and all I have is a little bit of nausea to remind me that something is growing inside me. I have dubbed this tiny creature "the bean".
I have figured out that pregnancy sites and doctors do their best to put Fear into you. If the list of things I can't eat or drink gets any longer, then I will have to request a list of things that I CAN have! On the flip side, I have to make sure that I DO eat. Getting rid of the habit of eating only when when my stomach is crawling up my throat is a little difficult, but this bean inside me seems to be hungry all the time. The cruelest joke is that even though I'm hungry, the bean thinks it is funny to make everything taste sour. This is something I wasn't warned about.
Back to me being a mother. This is a totally foreign concept to me. I know I'm going to love my child and probably do everything I can for him/her. Heck, I even spoil my cats rotten. But I guess I have the same fears every new mother has. I don't want to end up screwing him/her up. Add that to the fact that I have been extremely self-centered for 36 years and I will need to learn to give up a bit of the spotlight.
Not that I'm totally selfish. I do tend to do more for others than for myself, but I have gotten into the habit of being totally spoiled by my hubby. I understand that my life is going to change once the bean is free of its tummy shaped cocoon. I think I'm more worried about how I'm going to handle the change. I don't want to be the type of mother who lets my child totally take over everything, but I don't want to be the type of mother that is so strict that the child rebels in college. I'm going to try to find a happy medium.
I'm just really glad that I had time to figure out who I am before I have to help another person grow and figure out who they are!
I can do it. I'm a positive, open-minded person. I will not screw this up.
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