ASK!

I read Romance novels and I watch Romantic comedies. It isn't that I'm such a girlie-girl (maybe a little), but I think of it as research. I'm very interested in relationships. Especially romantic relationships. So, I'm usually more interested in the characters themselves. What makes them a good fit for each other? What are the obstacles? How do they get over them? Why don't they just say what they want and get it out there?!! It all feeds my fascination with how people interact with each other romantically.

The books I tend to read have strong, usually very flawed women and men. This makes them more real to me. I like to think of myself as a strong, albeit flawed woman. I know I'm flawed, but I work with it. And lucky for me, I found a man who actually likes my flaws in an odd way. I think I amuse him, which works for us.

I also like to observe people and this is what I've learned: people tend to try to blend. By this I mean that they will anticipate what the people around them want from them and they try to be/do that. One of the things they do to blend is to NOT say what is on their mind. How many times have we not told someone that we really want to be with them because we aren't sure they want to be with us and it is easier to go with the flow?

That question can be taken multiple ways. One way to take it is if you want someone to go somewhere with you but think that they would rather not go .... ASK! They may want to go just to be with you. Another way to take it is if you like someone and want to go out with them, but think they would reject you, they may be thinking the same thing about you... ASK!

I'm probably not the norm, but I like for people to be forward. If you want to kiss me, don't send me telepathic messages... kiss me! There are no regrets. If I turn you down, at least you got a kiss. If you want me to do something, ask me! I may say no, but you never know. A lot of the times I don't even know I want to do something until someone asks me! If the aunts at the beach house last week hadn't asked me to join them in the pool instead of assuming that I wouldn't (I hate being wet) I wouldn't have realized that it looked like fun and wouldn't have joined them. I'm glad they asked and that I did join them. Even though I got wet!

But I'm beginning to think that a lot of people think like me. After all, there is a very small percentage of people that are actually mind readers. Life would be so much easier if we said what we meant and let people know when we are interested. Rejection isn't so bad. They say no and you move on or become friends. It is better to know than to think you can read their mind.

Hubby and I danced around each other for years until we both figured out what we wanted and actually told each other!

My ex-husbands got the short end of the stick because I didn't communicate with them. I won't take full responsibility for our failed relationships, but I'm willing to take 50% of the blame. I wasn't truthful with my feelings. I didn't want to spend everyday with his friends. I didn't want to spend everyday sitting at home. I wanted him to go out with my friends occasionally. Having children really was important to me. I didn't like being yelled at and yelling gets no where with me. I was depressed. I didn't think that I needed a curfew. I'm not property. I wanted a partner, not a father. I should've said all these things to them before it all blew up.

I set all the ground rules before marrying Hubby 3. I told him how difficult I was. That I'm messy. That I'm protective of my money because I didn't have it for so long. That I like to take classes and have friends. That I want a partner, not a father. That I don't do well with yelling. That I want to be asked whether or not he thinks I want to do something. I want a choice. And he told me his issues. We communicate. We have been happily married for over 2 years now.

I don't know how this post turned into a rambling about my past relationships. My point is that I'm fascinated with relationships. What makes them work? What makes them fail? Why do some people love people who don't seem right for them? Is it chemical? Physical? Can we talk ourselves into/out of love?

I think I'm going to explore all these questions and more. Stay tuned.